12 Things You Can Do Today to Enhance Your Relationship

1.     Practice gratitude .  Thank each other freely and constantly, even for the “little things.”  It can make a world of difference in the way your partner feels about daily activities, like making a meal, driving, planning a trip, or special favors.

2.    Listen to some lonely single friends.  This will help a lot, especially stories from those who are searching for mates, doing internet dating, etc.  Not only do your friends need your love and support, but the pain of “bad date stories” is eased through the laughter they often evoke.  Besides, it can help you to appreciate your own situation.

3.    Seek sponsorship/mentorship.  Find someone who has what you want in the relationship department and ask if they would be willing to help you.

4.    Keep your side of the street clean.  When you are wrong, swallow your pride and admit your part to your partner.  No “buts” here!!  Even if your partner is also wrong, try to focus and make amends only for your own part.  This is not the time for “I was wrong for ____________, but  you did such and such.”

5.    Make a “What I Like About You List.”   Include all of the things you appreciate about your partner.  Focus on the positive traits, read it daily and add to it as needed for a week.  Present that list to your partner, in writing, even if your partner does not do the same.  Do it periodically.  Let your “magic magnifying mind” work in your favor!!

6.    Have sex.  Make an appointment if you have to, but make it a point to fit it in.  Even if you are physically unable to have sex, don’t neglect taking time to just hold and caress each other.  Put aside an hour a week –isn’t your relationship worth it?  It’s pretty hard to stay disgruntled at someone with whom you have just shared pleasure.  If one of you is mentally or emotionally unable or unwilling to share physical intimacy, it may be time to seek professional counseling.

7.    Space.  Take time apart for your own interest and hobbies.  Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want.  If your partner needs alone time, don’t take it personally.  Some people need their batteries recharged, especially if they have tendencies towards introversion.  Ask yourself, “What would I be doing if I was not in this relationship, or depending on my partner for entertainment, at this time?”  Is there anything you have wanted to do but have avoided because of the temporary separation involved?  Are there friends you have neglected because of your relationship?  Cultivating friendships outside of your relationship can also help you sort out issues before discussing them with your partner.  Taking reasonable time apart can increase the satisfaction you both feel from your relationship. 

8.    Time away together.  Get away from your daily responsibilities and chores, together!  If you can’t afford to stay somewhere, then get creative.  There are lots of “one day retreats” you can plan.  Go to the beach and walk and walk on the sand, drive out to see the wild flowers, go up to the mountains.  Wherever, try not to talk about the plumbing, house painting, kids’ problems --- just like when you were dating and had not yet merged your lives.

9.    Weekly relationship review.  Sometimes we go about our busy lives, taking care of business, without relating on an intimate level.  Set an intention for connection.  Take even a half-hour a week to really talk and listen to each other.  What was your week like, highlights and low points?  Do you feel in integrity with yourself?  What are your challenges for the coming week?  Does your partner have any requests, or need special favors or support?  What are you especially grateful for in your relationship?  After a while, this could even be done while driving somewhere.  This process can be really helpful, especially if you have a hectic schedule, or “date night” doesn’t work for you.

10. Keep a marriage journal.  When you are feeling especially grateful, when something makes you laugh really hard, when you experience a deeply touching moment – write it down!  It can be so much fun to periodically read about something that made you laugh deliriously.  Without the written record, you will have completely forgotten about many things that brought you extreme pleasure.   What a wonderful way to relive and cherish the good times!

11.  Share a spiritual practice.  If you pray, try praying together.  Individual prayers can be adapted for use by couples by substituting the words, “I” and “me” with “We” and “Us.”  It especially helps to hold hands and pray before discussing a sensitive issue.  Take a moment to hold hands and say a few words of gratitude before sharing a meal. 

12.  Couples support.  Is there a couples support group in your area?  Maybe you could start one of your own.  Are there couples who could use your support?  Sometimes people just need to know they are not alone and that others have worked through challenges.  Maybe you could provide service by listening and sharing your experience about what has helped your own relationship. 

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